Happy Father's Day to all the dads and grandpas out there, and to all the moms and grandmas who play that dad role to so many kids. To my hubby, you are the glue that holds this whole thing together, without you, we would have burned out light bulbs, spiders on the ceiling, and much less laughter in our world. And to my dad, even though it has been ten years since we spent a Father's Day together, know that I love you and miss you. But don't worry Daddy-O, that little blonde one you sent, the one just as naughty as you were, he reminds me of you every single day.
On to the birthday celebration...no, it isn't really my birthday, at least, not my original day. Nope, it is my second birthday, the second anniversary of my last day of radiation, the end of the treatment and the beginning of my recovery. It is hard to believe that it has been two years. Some days it feels like just yesterday and other days it feels like it was a whole lifetime ago.
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with someone about whether I was going back to teaching. I told her I wasn't, that I was working on completing my paperwork for permanent disability retirement. She said, clearly without thinking, but really without any malice, "You are so lucky." Talk about an awkward silence! I share this, not because I want to call attention to her or make her feel bad (I honestly have no idea if she reads this blog) but because her words stuck with me. No, my reason for retiring does not make me lucky. But in many, many other ways, I am lucky. I am healthy-ish. I still have run ins with the side effects from my surgery and the radiation, but mostly, I have adjusted to the new normal that is my life. I have a fantastic husband and amazing kids and a very special relationship with my mother. I am building a business that I love and I get to be creative every single day, while at the same time I get to be a stay at home mom and manage all the craziness of our lives. I have met people through this blog and through my business who inspire and motivate me more than I could ever have thought possible. I am blessed with friends who love me enough to put up with my constant barrage of ideas and what-ifs. (And who let me be my true snarky self whenever necessary!) So yeah, I am lucky, just not in the way that she meant.
To anyone reading this who is in the midst of cancer treatments, please know that you can do this. I know the days are rough and the nights are rougher. And yes, it will get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. Slowly, incrementally, but definitely better. You will have setbacks and you will get frustrated, but you will get there. And someday, someone will tell you how lucky you are and you will stop and you will think "Yes, yes I am!"
Love and sparkles to all of you,